TA in Pills - 1-4.2 - TA Stroke Theory 2
TA Stroke Theory 2
(We can live without food and water for a few days. We cannot live without strokes for an hour. Stroke deficit contributes to isolation, loneliness and boredom.)
(for * see notes at end of this blog)
Things to remember about stroking:
1. In giving there is receiving. It means that the type of strokes we give others has a resulting impact on our own well being. Our well being can be enhanced by choosing to give healthy strokes to others. If not anything else, at least a smile.
2. Make strokes intense, impacting and long lasting.
3. Stroking reinforces behaviour. Therefore, withdraw paying attention, blaming, criticising behaviour that is not likeable or desirable. In fact withdraw attention and change the topic.
4. Stroking reinforces behaviour. Therefore, commit to pay attention that is good, likeable, desirable in another.
3. and 4. above can be tried out in the way we criticise maids at home. By withdrawing attention from the undesirable (not cleaning or not doing well or being late) and shifting it to the desirable (by saying something nice like - are wah! you have come earlier than usual or I found you paying attention when you were sweeping the corner and such like other.
5. Non-verbals intensify stroking. Listening intently to what another is saying intensifies stroking. It is further intensified if we are looking at the person. It signifies that we are paying full attention.
6. Give genuine strokes. Avoid giving plastic strokes. Plastic strokes are insincere positives. Saying "I want to praise you." is a plastic stroke. Because no praise is given in the process.
7. Give genuine strokes. Avoid giving praising strokes that end in a sting at the end. Saying "You have a nice good shirt. We used to sell plenty of these for sale in the street market." These are called counterfeit strokes.
8. Give quality strokes. I have a friend who starts conversation like this: "Hi Ajit. All well. . . . . . . How are you doing. . . . . . . . . .All well. . . . . . . .Nice to know. . . . . . . .It is so nice talking to you. . . . . . . . .You are an asset. . . . . . . . . ." He is at the same time non-exploitative.
9. Receive strokes. Some people filter strokes. Some people tend to discard things when someone says something good.
10. Reinforce stroking with touching with a touch (like by an appreciating gesture), look hearing.
1. In giving there is receiving. It means that the type of strokes we give others has a resulting impact on our own well being. Our well being can be enhanced by choosing to give healthy strokes to others. If not anything else, at least a smile.
2. Make strokes intense, impacting and long lasting.
3. Stroking reinforces behaviour. Therefore, withdraw paying attention, blaming, criticising behaviour that is not likeable or desirable. In fact withdraw attention and change the topic.
4. Stroking reinforces behaviour. Therefore, commit to pay attention that is good, likeable, desirable in another.
3. and 4. above can be tried out in the way we criticise maids at home. By withdrawing attention from the undesirable (not cleaning or not doing well or being late) and shifting it to the desirable (by saying something nice like - are wah! you have come earlier than usual or I found you paying attention when you were sweeping the corner and such like other.
5. Non-verbals intensify stroking. Listening intently to what another is saying intensifies stroking. It is further intensified if we are looking at the person. It signifies that we are paying full attention.
6. Give genuine strokes. Avoid giving plastic strokes. Plastic strokes are insincere positives. Saying "I want to praise you." is a plastic stroke. Because no praise is given in the process.
7. Give genuine strokes. Avoid giving praising strokes that end in a sting at the end. Saying "You have a nice good shirt. We used to sell plenty of these for sale in the street market." These are called counterfeit strokes.
8. Give quality strokes. I have a friend who starts conversation like this: "Hi Ajit. All well. . . . . . . How are you doing. . . . . . . . . .All well. . . . . . . .Nice to know. . . . . . . .It is so nice talking to you. . . . . . . . .You are an asset. . . . . . . . . ." He is at the same time non-exploitative.
9. Receive strokes. Some people filter strokes. Some people tend to discard things when someone says something good.
10. Reinforce stroking with touching with a touch (like by an appreciating gesture), look hearing.
This blog comes from Ajit Karve from Pune. I am a qualified TA Practitioner. I specialise in using TA for personal growth, personal development, personal effectiveness and for transformational change. I can be reached on +919822024037. Please feel free to seek clarifications by writing to me on ajitpkarve@gmail.com or taforyouandme@gmail.com. A request: Please take time out to write a comment.
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